Downsized and Dumped

Over the past nine months I’ve experienced the two things most men hate to experience – Being downsized from a good paying job and being dumped by a beautiful, intelligent woman. Both events can do significant harm to a man’s psyche if not handled carefully.

I remember standing in the unemployment line last fall, thinking back to the conversation I had in September when my boss cut me loose. He overemphasized that I was NOT being let go due to poor performance and that the downsizing wasn’t personal. In fact, he offered numerous times to be a reference for me because I was such a great employee.

By the end of the conversation, I was convinced my boss was making the right business decision for the company in letting me go. The lack of immediate emotional pain was not due to me jumping into a life of denial, but was rather a testament to his tact in presenting the issue. I was convinced that he was right, but I was still unemployed in a down economy with months ahead focused on searching for a job.

My break up followed a similar pattern of tactfulness by a very caring woman. She reminded me of my best qualities and let me know that I hadn’t done anything wrong. She was careful in her word choice and suggested that we just weren’t a fit. Aside from the irony of a television in the background showing the movie “The Break-Up”, she made me feel really good about how our relationship came to an end.

In both cases I had to hear the hard truth. Thankfully, both individuals were able to share the truth with compassion. Frankly, I was surprised at how much easier it was to hear such negative outcomes for my life when the truth was shared in a loving way. Ephesians 4:14-16 advocates telling the truth in love because it causes the hearer to “grow up” in Christ.

This maturing process gives us greater capacity to love those who bring bad news to us, especially since we all face disappointments and hardships.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

Matthew 5:43-45 (NIV)

I’m not suggesting that I hate or have become enemies with my ex-boss or ex-girlfriend. I’m merely suggesting that because they spoke the truth in love, I am able to mature more into who God expects me to become – A person capable of loving and praying for my enemies. In other words, both individuals caused me to mature because of how they handled the situation, resulting in me having a greater capacity to love and pray for any foes or negative situations that might enter my life.

Both individuals blessed me by sharing the truth in love. And since I’ve been blessed, I will count it pure joy. This is the type of joy I could hold onto while enduring unemployment and the embarrassment of losing someone who I extended my heart to. This joy allows me to smile during my most difficult days. It gives me a light step in the morning when I face new challenges that will eventually lead to my next job opportunity or relationship.

I never thought I could have such joy resulting from such great loss, until it happened. To this day my heart is filled with gratitude for my ex-boss and ex-girlfriend sharing the truth with me in love. They are to be commended for having the courage to consider my heart in the process rather than just writing me off in a cold abrupt fashion.

It’s my hope that I can learn from these lessons and use as much diplomacy as they demonstrated to me. Being a part of someone’s growth is far more rewarding than shooting someone down because they have no place in my life. I can’t imagine a better world than a place where we all feel good about our losses, knowing that God will provide for our needs with the right job and relationship in due season.