Scattered Eggshells

Have you ever felt like you were tiptoeing around eggshells in life? The type that are scattered before you by those who desire to pounce with judgment in hopes of lifting themselves up by tearing you down. I know that uncomfortable feeling of being wedged into a no-win scenario.

Most of the time I see it coming in the form of a loaded question. The person is trying to angle things in a way, as to make sure I’m still worthy of being on their pedestal. It makes no sense to me because I shouldn’t be on anyone’s pedestal. I’m not perfect. I’m a flawed individual. I don’t want to be on anyone’s pedestal, especially when I have no clue why they put me there to begin with.

I recently heard an ABC newscaster speak about things in life. Those around me were amazed at how he shared with candor, grace and truth. It was a breath of fresh air for me. To hear someone share heartfelt thoughts with humility seemed to reduce the number of people who put him on a pedestal. His humility allowed them to see him as an equal.

He actually disarmed the audience from seeing him as a public figure and brought them along a path, or a journey to explore together some amazing concepts that were simple and basic to the very essence of who we are. The audience related to him and received a message of hope and encouragement. He was a sincere communicator and a wonderful role model for anyone who might consider giving a public talk.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the same skills as a lifetime newscaster. I find myself bumbling through personal conversations and hitting a few potholes along the way. Struggling to get through those loaded questions always makes me tense, since I’ve failed them so often. Oh, the failure wasn’t because of my wrong choices, but rather from me not clearly understanding if the person I was sharing with truly understood what I meant by my comment.

Most would say that I shouldn’t worry about how people receive my message since I don’t answer to them, but I remind people that half the conversation is my responsibility and I want them to understand me, just as I want to understand them.

Lately, I’ve been inundated with people asking me about my new job. While I’ve received some sincere questions and concerns, I’ve found three types of people that are motivated to ask for unhealthy reasons – Those who scatter eggshells.

The first group of people who scatter eggshells aren’t considered unhealthy, but highly esteemed positive people – with a slight twist. When they ask how happy my job makes me feel or how much I like it, most want to hear the positive comments and not the negative ones, in order to fulfill their prayers. They want to be a part of having put me in a great place.

The second group wants to commiserate. They hope my new job isn’t better than theirs, since they continue to endure a bad job for fear of being laid off. They feel forced to work extra hours in order to appease their situation. They want to know staying in a bad job is the right thing to do.

And the third group wants to test my spirituality. They believe that if I’m in God’s will, I will be eternally grateful and not find a single thing wrong with my job. And should I utter one inconvenience that I’ve endured, they label me ungrateful.

Recently a friend asked me how the new job was going. I told him that the people I work with are great, the work is wonderfully challenging and I’m learning the new systems quickly. And then I made a mistake; I suggested that the only negative thing is the 70-90 minute morning commute and the two and a half hour evening commute.

His response was, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that you don’t like your new job.”

What? That’s not what I said.

It took me the next 6-7 minutes to clarify what I really said and what I meant. While I’m not convinced he ever truly understood me, I wasn’t able to expend any more energy on the subject. I wasn’t able to use the exact words he expected of me to fulfill what he wanted to hear. He summarized our conversation in closing by sharing that he felt I was “unthankful” for my job, but was “working on trying to become thankful.”

These types of questions from a person who isn’t really listening for the truth, but for what they presuppose might be my motivation drives the feelings of walking around eggshells. My friends who are much safer and want to hear what is really on my heart keep the eggshells out of the conversation. They ask clarifying questions if they are unsure of what they hear.

Sometimes I wonder if I should work at telling each person what he or she wants to hear, so they perceive me to be as thankful as what I truly am. But, I’m too tired to play those games. I’m a flawed person who by the grace of God alone has accomplished many wonderful things in life and will soon accomplish more – Because my God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I don’t have to pretend to be spiritual; I just have to continue relating to God. I don’t have to worry about what the religious say regarding my thoughts and activities; I just have to please a God who asks me to trust Him and live by faith. And, I’m thrilled that when I make mistakes, He shows me grace every time.

There are no eggshells with God, just truth, mercy and grace. Thank God!